The relationship is the therapy.

What does it mean when we say that the relationship between a client and therapist is the therapy? Think of the best ever moments you’ve shared with a friend, partner, teacher, mentor or parent. Perhaps it was during a hours long chat over the phone or a memorable meal, a lesson or lecture that changes your perspective or the simple pleasure of sundowners on the shoreline - moments when you felt seen, heard and understood. With a sigh of relief you think, “This person gets me.” The experience of shared emotional depth with another human being offers the gift of connection and acceptance.

As a person-centred therapist I view the therapeutic alliance as a collaboration. It’s my job to provide an environment where the client can safely explore their lived experience. I do not employ strategies or techniques; rather, I embody the qualities of empathy, unconditional positive regard and personal authenticity or congruence. When a person feels understood and seen in a non-judgemental, compassionate way, she can more easily access the courage to explore her feelings and experiences.

I write with experience not only as a therapist but also as a client. My own therapist has been a companion in exploring the motivations behind behaviours that cause me frustration, hurt, disappointment and anger. This examination occurs in an atmosphere of warmth, kindness and acceptance. Nothing is off the table, I bring it all to my therapist. Her acceptance of and respect for me has opened a space where I can be my authentic self. The process has moved me towards a willingness to be less defended and curious about the contradiction I experience when I withhold myself from fully participating in my own life.

What makes client focused therapy so exciting is the inversion of the classic therapeutic dynamic you may have seen on tv or film. A person centred therapist does not hand out advice or direct the client in what to do. Whatever unfolds within the therapeutic alliance is often a reflection of the lived experience of the client outside the therapy space. With a therapeutic relationship anchored in connection and trust, helpful and healing process can occur - the relationship becomes the therapy.